Copywriting for Brands

Below are examples of my work as a brand copywriter for small businesses across the country. More samples available upon request.

Bike’s Burgers & Ice Cream:

Business Description for Facebook:

Here in Bonner Springs, we know a little something about being on the go. That’s why meals are easy at Bike’s Burgers. Just walk up to the counter, place your order, and take a seat. We’ll handle the rest -- no tip necessary. Late to a PTA meeting or taking the kids to soccer practice? Cruise through our drive-thru. We’ll never keep you waiting, but you might find yourself caught up talking to our family-run team longer than you meant to. When you finally bite into that hand-breaded tenderloin sandwich, you might even forget about your plans. But don’t worry: Whether you’re rushing out the door or you decide to put the rest of the day on hold for a Belfonte ice cream cone, you’ll never wear out your welcome!

Short Description for Instagram and Twitter:

Lunch just got easier, Bonner Springs! We’re serving up all-American favorites with a side of convenience and your choice of Belfonte ice cream.

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Facetime Beauty Lounge:

Business Description for Facebook:

When you step inside Facetime Beauty Lounge, you’re stepping into a restorative St. Petersburg oasis. We greet you by name, offer you a drink (detox water, seasonal tea, or your choice of champagne and wine), and take you straight back into the lounge. There’s no such thing as a double-booked appointment around here. Music and the sound of trickling water combine to transport your mind and body to beauty paradise, where we’ll pamper your skin with a hydrojelly facial or dermaplanning treatment. If you need your brows whipped into shape or want a new pair of fluttery lashes, we’re your team. Everything we do is for you, from our elegant glass cups to the essential oils we diffuse throughout the lounge. By the time you leave, you’ll wish you could buy our signature scent. Don’t worry: We’re working on it! 

Short Description for Instagram and Twitter:

We’re bringing a restorative, luxurious beauty lounge experience to St. Petersburg’s hardworking men and women. Step inside and drink up relaxation!

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Love Birds Bridal Boutique:

Business Description for Facebook:

Love Birds Bridal Boutique got its start in 2004 as a simple stationery shop, but we’ve grown into a full-service, one-stop bridal shop in the past 16 years. We’ve got all you need to plan your special day, from gorgeous, one-of-a-kind gowns to the perfect stamps and envelopes for your invitations, all delivered with our boutique-style service. Your wedding day is the most important day of your life, and we take that seriously: We only work with one bride at a time so you get the attention you deserve. You’ll try on your gown in our bridal loft and then come downstairs to get into the nitty-gritty details, all while our seamstress works on alterations. To brides in Hattiesburg and across Mississippi, we have everything you need to say, “I do!”

Short Description for Instagram and Twitter:

Since 2004, we’ve been Hattieburg’s one-stop bridal shop, offering all you need: from dresses to stationary and everything in between. 

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My Tiger Lily Boutique:

Business Description for Facebook:

Confidence is our favorite one-size-fits-all outfit! Stocked with everything a modern woman needs to look and feel her best, My Tiger Lily aims to update your wardrobe for both everyday and intimate moments. The right dress is a woman’s secret weapon, and we’ve got a style for every occasion: going to church, conquering a meeting at work, or going on the perfect first date, just to name a few. When you’re ready to rock the skin you were born in, our selection of lingerie -- in every style from playful to provocative -- will amplify what you love most about yourself and help you see your curves in a new light. They say you should flaunt it if you’ve got it, and we know you’ve always got it!

Short Description for Instagram and Twitter:

We want you to feel confident no matter what you’re wearing -- or not. From everyday staples to special-occasion pieces, you’ll love your new look!

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Pinky G’s Pizzeria:

Business Description for Facebook:

Good people. Great drinks. Amazing pizza. That’s what you’re in for when you step through the doors at Pinky G’s Pizzeria. We started in 2011, and we’ve been crafting unique specialty pies ever since. Specializing in New York-style pies and slices, we hand-toss everything on the menu, including our most popular: the Abe Froman. With our affordable prices and high-quality ingredients, we’re Jackson Hole’s resident pizza experts. We’ve been featured on Food Network’s Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives twice, but we treat every customer like they’re Guy Fierri -- minus the cameras. No matter what you’re in the mood for, from pizza to wings and everything in between, Pinky G’s is the place for you!

Short Description for Instagram and Twitter:

Jackson Hole’s pizza experts. Serving up hand-tossed pizza in our close-knit, funky atmosphere since 2011. 

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The Tipsy Trout:

Business Description for Facebook:

Here in Basalt, we’re all about “-ing” verbs. Running, hiking, fishing, camping -- you know the drill. Here at The Tipsy Trout, we’re adding one more to the list: eating. Specifically, we’re all about eating unique, made-from-scratch dishes with local roots, like our Colorado beef. We age it for 28 days until it’ll satisfy any foodie’s cravings! When you try our Rocky Mountain trout and honey-smoked trout dip, you’ll see why we just can’t get enough. From vegetarian and gluten-free options to sinfully delicious entrees and desserts, you'll find whatever you’re looking for through our doors. And if you want to share the magic with everyone you know, just ask about our space for private events and parties. We can’t wait to share our slice of historic old-town Basalt with you!

Short Description for Instagram and Twitter:

Swing by after fishing along the Fryingpan or when you’re craving  creative cuisine. Either way, you’re always in for a treat at The Tipsy Trout!

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The Vineyard at Hillyland:

Business Description for Facebook:

Like any good story, ours starts with cows. Hillyland began as a Connecticut dairy farm. It was a labor of love -- hard work that was rewarded by getting to live off  the land. On a trip to New York, we uncovered our passion for wine, so we made the transition into a winery in 2017. Since then, we’ve been infusing our handcrafted wines with the love and respect we hold for agriculture. Each of our signature wines is named after a dairy farm of old, and we’re always happy to pour a glass alongside a history lesson. We promise you’ll never forget your tasting at Hillyland, but if you ever need a refresher, we have space for lively parties and elegant weddings. No matter how many times you come back to visit, we’ll always be thrilled to catch up!

Short Description for Instagram and Twitter:

Converted from an active dairy farm, we’re crafting homemade wine and experiences you’ll never forget -- all paired with a generous dose of history.

How to Write a Self-Insert That Nobody Can Call You Out On

Originally posted on Scribbler.com.

Here’s the thing: About 80% of the female characters that I write wind up being self-inserts to some degree. For anyone unfamiliar with the term, a self-insert character is typically defined as the fictional version of yourself that lives out your dreams and fantasies in a novel, short story, or most commonly, fanfiction. While the literary community might frown upon or call them unoriginal, I have reason to believe they should be encouraged. After all, what’s the golden rule of writing? Write what you know! What could you possibly know better than yourself?

However, writing a believable self-insert takes more care than you think. Simply put, there are parts of yourself that you should hold onto and parts that you should sacrifice to the writing gods for luck. The less of yourself in a self-insert, the better. I’d wager to say that the perfect ratio of your own qualities to qualities sprung from your mind is roughly 1:5. For every detail you take from your own life, make up at least five to avoid overdoing it.

That’s right. If you make any character 20% self-insert or less, you’ll get away with it, and your character will be all the more authentic. But what should you be doing to pull this off?

1. Redefine what a self-insert character is.

Can you get away with plopping yourself smack-dab in the middle of Harry Potter and calling it a day? No. While there’s nothing wrong with daydreaming about winters in Hogsmeade and who you’d take to the Yule Ball, you’re going to need more tact than that. Self-insert characters overrun the world of fanfiction, but that’s not what I’m proposing. The new-and-improved self-insert needs to be an original character taking a shortcut through your idiosyncrasies on the way to being a complete three-dimensional person. There are many details that make up a good character, and I’m suggesting that you can, and should, steal some from your own life.

2. Ditch your name.

This is the bare minimum. Even if your character doesn’t resemble you in any way, or even if your character spells it differently, you’re screwed. For me, that means Kaitlin, Caitlyn, and other variations are completely off limits. I wouldn’t even go for Kate.

3. Ignore how you look.

This comes with a very important caveat that I’ll get to shortly . For the most part, your self-insert shouldn’t look like you. Your appearance is a dead giveaway second only to your name, so take creative liberties whenever possible. This is an opportunity to experiment with styles you’re not brave enough to try in real life. Want a pixie cut? Write one. Too chicken to get that tattoo? Maybe your self-insert isn’t. My one hard-and-fast exception is for my curly-headed guys, gals, and pals. Don’t you dare ditch your curls! Don’t you know there are fictional characters everywhere who’d kill for your hair?

4. Focus on mannerisms.

For me, the subtleties of the human condition are hard to conjure into writing. I’m talking scratching, fidgeting, blinking, and all the rest of those action verbs you do without thinking. Some of them are downright gross — who wants to admit to biting their nails or chewing with their mouth open? However, in the wonderful world of fiction, these intricacies flesh a character out. Why google “Ways People Fidget” when you can steal from your own life? As a writer, your search history is already strange enough. Save yourself another rabbit hole and embrace those idle motions. If you crack your knuckles, twist your hair around your fingers, or hum to yourself while you do the dishes, let your self-insert do the same.

5. Put yourself into hypothetical situations.

I’ve written about being a writer before, and I’ve received  question after question asking if I was actually writing about myself. I wasn’t, but you try to convince your writing workshop otherwise on critique day. To avoid this and make your work feel original, even if your heroine does share your coffee order and your hair, put your self-insert in a completely new situation. Because we write what we know, your reactions and thought process will stay the same, but the events you’re reacting to won’t. The further removed from your reality that your story is, the safer your self-insert will be. Fantasy, historical fiction, or thrillers are marvelous hiding places, assuming you aren’t already an elf, dead, or a murderer.

The bottom line is that you should focus on singular characteristics of yourself instead of transporting your whole likeness to another world. Because it’s a pain to come up with completely original favorites, pet peeves, and fun facts every time you pick up the pen, relying on—or even reveling in—a modified self-insert is nothing to be ashamed of. Shout from the rooftops that you’re writing one! Let’s take control of our writing and remove the stigma surrounding the dreaded self-insert.

Valentine's Day

This is what doesn’t happen.

You don’t drive to my apartment and surprise me after work like you did 28 days ago. You don’t pull the box of macarons you ordered for me out of your passenger seat when I pull into my space. My mouth doesn’t hang open as you walk toward me with earnest eyes and a downturned mouth, like it’s not safe to smile yet. And I definitely don’t ask:

“What the fuck are you doing here?”

You definitely don’t answer with: “I’m so sorry.”

“What are you doing here?”

“I said I’m sorry.”

“I heard that, but what the fuck are you doing here?”

You don’t sigh, dropping your arms to your sides in anticipated defeat. The macarons don’t bounce in their box against your thigh. “So I shouldn’t have come.”

“I didn’t say that.”

Your eyes don’t light up for a fraction of a second. Brown and gold in the setting South Austin sun, they’re not the prettiest thing I’ve seen in a month. Your face doesn’t look like coming home. I don’t add, “Why’d you come?”

“Because I realized I made that mistake you were talking about.”

“And your parents?” I don’t press. 

“They were wrong,” you don’t agree.

And I don’t get mad. I don’t take three steps back from you and feel every ounce of rage that’s been bubbling up underneath my skin since you showed up unannounced and broke my heart into pieces small enough I couldn’t glue back together. My eyes don’t get hot and heavy with the tears I didn’t want to cry in front of you, and those tears do not, under any circumstances, cling to my lashes before dripping and curving under my chin. “How dare you,” I don’t say, voice and hands and lungs shaking. “How dare you come here and ask me to take you back. I know you haven’t asked anything yet, but I’m assuming that’s where this is going, and I just have to say: How fucking dare you?”

You don’t nod twice and start to turn around. 

“Wait.”

“Wait?” you don’t ask, pausing with your shoulders canted. 

“You put me through absolute hell, you know that? I spent every day fighting with myself not to talk to you. I almost drove to your apartment every afternoon after work, just so I could make you feel as completely awful as I did when you showed up here and broke up with me.” I don’t pause to take a breath, anger fading into something dark and intimate. 

“I’m so sorry,” you don’t say, and I obviously don’t shake my head to make you stop.

“You hurt me. You hurt me in a way I didn’t even know I was scared of being hurt in. You lied to me and treated me like I was something to be thrown away at the first sign of trouble. You didn’t respect me enough to try to talk to me, like I wasn’t the person you talked to about everything for so long. I am so hurt. And how am I supposed to trust you ever again?”

You don’t stand there looking like I’ve looked the past three times we’ve seen each other. It’s not that quiet, resigned look—the one where you know you can’t change anything, so you just stare and decide to be okay with what’s being done to you. And then, you don’t say, “I’ll just…go.”

I never get the opportunity to say the words, “I didn’t say I wanted you to go.”

And we never walk up the stairs into my apartment, where we eat macarons and you spend the night winning back my heart. But most of all, we never kiss and make up. Ever. 

Could Vandalizing Books Make You a More Authentic Reader?

Originally published on HothouseLitJournal.com

Earlier this month, Georgia Grainger, an employee of Dundee, Scotland’s Charleston Library, found herself in the middle of a literary mystery. A patron came to her with an odd question: why did all of the seventh pages in the books she had been checking out have the seven underlined? Turns out the answer is pretty simple: elderly library patrons keep track of the books they’ve read with small markings, so they don’t wind up with the same book a second time.

In our age of Goodreads and Kindles, it seems so antiquated to resort to that kind of logging system. We can keep a record of every book we’ve read on a website, we can share that list with our Facebook friends with the click of a button. But instead, these elderly readers, just need a pen and a favorite page number. 

Though even library computer systems can keep track of what books have already been checked out by whom, there’s a simplicity to this homemade system that I’m drawn to. A voracious reader in my early years—often checking out ten or twelve books at a time from theKeller Public Library—I did find myself picking up books in the Young Adult section and wondering if I’d already made a pass at them. 

Back then, I wasn’t sharing my bookshelf with anyone. I read, returned, and checked out something else. If a book particularly piqued my interest, I’d tell my parents or friends, but I wasn’t concerned with making sure it was known to the entire world that I just couldn’t put down Jenny O’Connell’s The Book of Luke (I read this at least three times sometime between the fifth and eighth grades.) 

Of course, back then, I didn’t feel the need to prove myself as a reader. I read all the time, and anyone who knew me knew that from simple observation. I spent my evenings pouring over novels until my eyes burned. That’s not so much the case anymore. I challenged myself to read thirty books this year and am already woefully behind. As an English major, sometimes I think that makes me a phony of sorts. 

None of this is to say Goodreads and other social media aren’t valuable to readers and writers alike, or to ignore the fact that a technological gap between generations might not be the real reason behind these endearing acts of micro-vandalism. Part of me just can’t help but admire the old ladies of the Charleston Library—reading discreetly, for nobody but themselves. 

Although writing in books makes my skin crawl (I just got over annotating last year), I think I’ll try to implement the spirit behind it within my own reading life. Reading shouldn’t be preformative, and nobody should feel like they have to prove they enjoy it. We should all take a page from these Scottish readers’ books—just not the one they’ve marked for themselves.

Male Fragility and Female-Coded Subservience in “Der Sandmann” 

E.T.A. Hoffmann’s “Der Sandmann” is a horror story whose influence can be seen well after its 1816 publication. The short story lives on thanks in large part to the titular character, a staple of European folklore that is often depicted helping young children fall asleep at night. Hoffmann’s Sandman is more a thing of nightmares, emerging as a cautionary tale narrated to a restless Nathanael by his nurse, desperate to get the boy to sleep. The Sandman is said to “[throw] a handful of sand into [children’s] eyes, so that they start out bleeding,” and then “puts their eyes in a bag,” to take to the moon, where he feeds them to his own brood (Hoffmann 2). Terrifying as that is, Nathanael is able to move past the story itself, leaving the real terror in the story up to interpretation. Enter Klara and Olimpia, Nathanael’s (arguable) love interests. At the onset of the story, Nathanael is engaged to Klara, but eventually falls under the spell of Olimpia, who just so happens to be an automaton. Where Klara is as independent as one can reasonably expect a 19th century woman to be, Olimpia has no independence. More than that, she has no sentience. Olimpia’s few abilities are relegated to extreme femininity: playing the harpsichord and dancing, both in predetermined manners. Nathanael’s clear preference for this shell of a woman with no will of her own is concerning, yet emblematic of a phenomenon that has followed Hoffman’s story into modernity: Nathanael prefers subservience to someone with the ability to speak her mind, meaning he does not want a woman—he wants a female-coded puppet. In this way, his rejection of Klara and infatuation with Olimpia serves as the precursor to the modern obsession with female-coded personal assistants and, in a way more closely related to the inherent implication of Nathanael’s choice, female sex robots. 

At the onset of the story, in Nathanael’s first letter to Lothaire, he refers to Klara in an confounding manner. He writes that she likely “believe[s] that [he] is passing [his] time in dissipation…forgetful of her fair, angelic image,” but then claims her “dear form” is always on his mind, making special mention of her “bright eyes” (Hoffman 1). This description serves as the impetus for Klara as a rather confounding character. As William Crisman writes, Nathanael immediately depicts her in an “odd, inappropriately blaming posture,” which he then claims acts as “an unconscious image of her…as exaggeratedly and unrealistically disapproving” (Crisman 17). However, as the story goes, on she is depicted as almost entirely rational. Klara goes so far as to mention that Nathanael himself has described her as having a “quiet, womanish, steady disposition,” indicating a clear level of trust and perhaps even a reliance upon for reasoned thought (Hoffman 5). In framing her in this way, Hoffman sets up an intrinsic conflict: is Klara a woman in the sense that she is stereotypically girlish and lovelorn, or is she a more paradoxical analog to what is traditionally seen and accepted as masculine? These two concepts are antithetical to one another in Nathanael’s mind, turning whatever qualities she actually possess into “imagined suspiciousness” and pulling the two apart (Crisman 18). Klara does use her intellect rather than her emotions, specifically in response to Nathanael’s first—and incorrectly addressed—letter. She denounces the Sandman as nothing more than a fairytale while simultaneously explaining how this has led him to associate Coppelius and the monster Coppola (Hoffman 5). As Nathanael writes such an emphatic letter, Susan Brantly suggests Klara’s response is not the one he was truly craving, especially considering the letter’s intended recipient. “For all of Klara’s power of reason,” she writes, “she miss[es] the point completely (Brantly 327). Klara is at once opinionated yet logical, driving Nathanael away from her, as he cannot stand to be so effortlessly proven wrong. 

Nathanael, in all of his musings on the identity of the Sandman and his obsessive, all-consuming focus on Olimpia, is often read as a satire on Romantic poets, as offered by Margarete Kohlenbach. In this way, Klara’s “rationalism and desire for…quiet domestic happiness” serve to “neglect…the Romantic reality” that Nathanael is attempting to live out (Kohlenbach 688). At the same time that she’s disrupting this Romantic fantasy, Klara also imposes her own reality upon Nathanael. The two are engaged, though it becomes clear throughout the story that a marriage of two such people would be detrimental to both. Despite this, Klara does not truly let go of the vision of the two of them together until Nathanael’s death, demonstrating her strong will. John M. Ellis suggests that this single-minded focus on marriage is some kind of automaton-like quality of Klara’s, referencing Klara’s exclamation of “Now you are mine again!” following Nathanael’s intense preoccupation with and subsequent illness over Olimpia (Hoffman 16). This “disastrous episode” should, by all accounts, make Klara reconsider her marriage, but she “accepts him back as if nothing had happened” (Ellis 9). In an instance of mind over matter, Klara commits to the idea of her happy ending—which she eventually achieves, after Nathanael’s death—with the same intensity that Nathanael obsesses over his desires. The difference lies in Nathanael’s perception of the two: he believes that he is in the right, attempting to either solve the Coppola/Coppelius mystery or to find his ideal of true love in Olimpia, while he sees Klara as steamrolling him into submission, first with the suppression of his irrational fears and then with the insistence on marriage. Interestingly enough, in the case of the former, Nathanael refers to Klara as an automaton, well before Olimpia enters the story (Hoffman 10). The comparison is woefully inadequate, primarily due to the abundance of sentience Klara possesses. 

The real automaton in the story is clearly Olimpia. Though Nathanael is either unconvinced or perhaps willfully ignorant, he describes Olimpia in glowing detail, with “moist moonbeams” rising from her eyes, and “wondrous beauty in the shape of her face” (Hoffman 11). He listens to her play the harpsichord, then dances with and kisses her, culminating in his asking if she loves him. Each of these actions occur without Nathanael pausing to consider her true state—rather, he is so enraptured with her beauty and talent, he is able to ignore the cold of her hands, lips, and skin (Hoffman 13). Jutta Fortin suggests that once he becomes so enthralled, even forgetting Klara, that the two women “become exchangeable” (Fortin 256). In this way, Nathanael sees marriage as a transaction, in stark contrast to the wants of Klara stated previously. Olimpia, as an inanimate object is “endowed with autonomous life” at the hands of Nathanael and thus “fetishized,” replacing Klara in his mind in one fell swoop (Fortin 258). Similarly, Philipp Ekardt raises the essential question about gender when “purely mechanical identity” is assigned to the “female role,” creating a “blank screen for the projections of a male audience” (Ekardt). In this case Nathanael operates as the audience, and is able to project his wants without fear of them being rebuked or questioned in any way. He escalates their interactions to the point of confessing love because Olimpia is quite literally unable to stop him, as she has no voice, in direct contrast to Klara using her voice to directly challenge or, in his mind, belittle him. Where Klara is potentially “difficult” in Nathanael’s eyes, Olimpia’s only function is to silently appear aesthetically pleasing. 

Part of the reason Olimpia is so charming to Nathanael is the talents she was programed to have: dancing and playing the harpsichord. The dancing, in particular, is a motif that’s followed Olimpia into more contemporary depictions of female-coded robots, including most famously, the 2004 adaptation of The Stepford Wives. In this film, the second adaptation of the 1972 thriller, a group of wives turn robotic and, therefore, perfect in the eyes of their husbands. In a climactic scene at the end of the film, the men “lose their perfect dance partners,” who then return to their normal, intensely human states. Julie Wosk cites multiple other examples, including the 2012 novella The Man Who Danced with Dolls, which culminates in a similar ending wherein the male protagonist is devastated when his doll is destroyed (Wosk 152). Though not explicit in Nathanael’s infatuation with Olimpia—except insofar as he kisses her—is the implication that these artificial woman can serve as sexual partners for men wishing to remove themselves from women with real wants, needs, and desires. One such example of these “companions” is described as being 5’7” and 120 pounds (nearly underweight, according to most BMI indexes), with “motors to simulate heartbeats, make responsive gestures, and simulate orgasms (Wosk 162). Of course, in contrast, Olimpia is never described as having any semblance of warmth, other than when Nathanael’s delusion takes over, but the idea is still uncomfortably present. For example, all Olimpia says after Nathanael asks, “Do you love me, do you love me?” is “Ah-ah!” which, though not inherently sexual, bears auditory similarities to the same kinds of noises expected of these sex robots (Hoffman 13). Nathanael leaves the interaction with “a whole heaven beaming in his heart,” which could easily apply to the kind of satisfaction or gratification a customer of one of these “companions” might experience when faced with the same kind of reaction (Hoffman 13). Through the act of projecting so much onto Olimpia, Nathanael achieves an almost-sexual euphoria, which is not mirrored by any of his interactions with Klara.

As there only seem to be sexual undertones to Nathanael’s interactions with Olimpia, it is clear that her opinionated nature is the ultimate deterrent to her appeal in his eyes. Although Olimpia, and by extension, any “companion” of the sort serves the sexual gratification of Nathanael (or any man, really), she receives no pleasure herself. As Julie Wosk writes in an evaluation of the 1901 medical guide The Perfect Woman, sexual pleasures “[need] to be kept within bounds,” as wives who act otherwise become “sickly and nervous” (Wosk 140). In the broader cultural context of male sexuality taking precedence over that of female sexuality, Andrea Morris’ expose on the sorts of men who employ sex robots sheds valuable light. She shares the specifications of Harmony, an animatronic made of “medical-grade silicone” and standing between 4’10”-5’6” (the robots are highly customizable), with weight ranging from 60-90 pounds. The particular man using her goes by the name Brick Dollbanger in his online community, and is a 60 year old divorcee. In his testimony, he explains that he was “getting pretty depressed about [not having relationship success] constantly,” and that “a lot of the appeal wasn’t sexual, it was her attentiveness towards him” (Morris). Although these specific robots learn how to communicate and therefore might be more obviously similar to Klara, the fact that they are only exposed to what the man using them chooses to feed them in terms of information, they remain the sisters of Olimpia. Klara uses her voice, but does so in such a way that threatens, rather than arouses. 

In a less sexual context, the female-coded voices of personal assistants also use their voices in a very specific, non-threatening manner. Despite instances in which these AI programs mishear, they only respond to the specific commands or questions that are posed to them. Just as Olimpia only makes any sort of speech when Nathanael directly asks if she loves him, Siri, Cortana, and Alexa (produced by Apple, Microsoft, and Amazon, respectively) do not offer their own thoughts unprompted. Almost all of these creations are coded-female, for no particular reason. In Hoffman’s story, Olimpia must function as threat to Klara, and since Nathanael is not depicted in any way other than heterosexual, that necessitates two female roles. Ben Mack writes that the reason these AIs take on female characteristics is simple: “because we don’t want to consider their feelings.” Although Hoffman likely had no inkling of technology that would be present in modern day, this concept is alive and well in Olimpia’s character. When Nathanael spends an extended amount of time with her, she “listen[s] with great devotion,” even as he “read[s] tirelessly…for hours on end.” Describing her as an “admirable listener,” Nathanael is able to express anything in his mind without the possibility of question (Hoffman 14). She does eventually add one more phrase to her lexicon—“Good night, dearest,”—but that is more akin to someone saying, “Goodnight, Alexa,” and triggering an automated response than to any of the times Klara might have wished him well or expressed her love. Nowhere in this interaction does Nathanael need to consider Olimpia’s feelings, because she doesn’t have any. Her only choice, if that word even applies to something without a brain, is to sit still and smile, as is likely her resting state. Functionally, Nathanael is talking to a brick wall that just so happens to look like a woman, just as those who spend time enraptured by the things they can make a personal assistant do are really ordering around a subservient contraction that just so happens to sound like a woman. 

Were Olimpia not female-coded, the juxtaposition between her and Klara would be ineffective. As is stands in the story itself, Hoffman presents diametrically opposed characters: the opinionated, rational woman focussed on one singular goal, and the empty shell with no thoughts, wishes, or desires of her own. It is immensely troubling that Nathanael chooses the automaton who is so often described as uncanny or revolting by others, but is not an isolated phenomenon by any means. As is demonstrated by the prevalence of sex robots and personal assistants like Alexa or Siri, the degradation of women for the use of men is long-enduring, and only magnifies the misogyny present in Nathanael’s actions. In a modern context, there is no doubt that Nathanael would choose these female-coded pieces of technology over an actual woman, but the result might be far more dangerous. With the lack of consideration for these female substitutes comes a real disregard for the feelings and even safety of actual women. When men, particularly, become desensitized to female pain, or forget that it exists at all, the propensity for actual violence against women increases. Thankfully Klara escapes “Der Sandmann” unscathed, but had Nathanael been exposed to even more Olimpia-like objects, she very well could have become physical or sexual collateral as he attempted to work through the deep seated issues with three-dimensional and fully realized women that are inherent to his character. Nathanael’s male fragility and insecurity leads to his own demise in Hoffman’s work, but leads to far more sinister actions in the world today. 

Works Cited

Brantly, Susan. “A Thermographic Reading of E. T. A. Hoffmann's ‘Der Sandmann.’” The German Quarterly, vol. 55, no. 3, 1982, pp. 324–335. JSTOR, JSTOR, www.jstor.org/stable/406086.

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More than Reckless Teenagers: In Defense of Romeo & Juliet’s Love

originally published October 23rd, 2018 on HothouseLitJournal.com

Thousands of high school students in English classrooms across the world read, under-analyze, and hate Romeo & Juliet each year. Why is what’s arguably become Shakespeare’s most recognizable tragedy met with such vitriol from students? Can they not relate to the teenage angst exhibited by the titular characters? Is the language too complex? Have all of us made a pact to disavow Shakespeare in an effort to stick it to our high school English teachers? I think the answer is simpler than any of these options: the play, a work of literary art by most accounts, is taught as a cautionary tale for teenagers who go against their parents’ wishes.

Unfortunate, especially if you’re in the throes of that all-encompassing teenage angst yourself.

In reality, Romeo and Juliet are complex characters thrown into a world of feuds largely against their will, looking for their own ways to survive and thrive. Whether their love is exaggerated or not, they cling to each other because they’ve been able to find complements in each other and chances to live their own lives instead of the lives their parents prescribe. The play isn’t a caution against teenagers in love; rather, it’s a caution to parents and authority figures who reduce adolescents to children with no free will.

Juliet Capulet is known as one of Shakespeare’s weaker female characters. She meets a boy, falls in love, and then kills herself. On the surface, she lacks the depth of some of his more revered heroines (Lady Macbeth, Rosalind, Beatrice, etc.). At first glance, Juliet is nothing but a stupid, rash teenage girl. However, she exists within horrifying constraints typical for a woman of her time. No viable options outside of marriage. A controlling father who exercises complete control over her major life decisions. How could she not be looking for a way out? If that way out just so happened to be an attractive, sensitive boy who listened without being condescending? Come on, ladies. 

“Out, you green-sickness carrion! Out, you baggage!/You tallow face!” Juliet’s father screams at her after she expresses her displeasure at the thought of marrying Paris, a man older than her, whom she does not know beyond a name and face (3.5.160-161). In her father’s eyes, she is but a nuisance he no longer wants to deal with. Because Juliet doesn’t want to marry the man who has imposed himself on her family, she is no longer a person. 

I recently had the pleasure of studying abroad in Oxford, where we took a few trips to Stratford to see productions from the Royal Shakespeare Company, and their interpretation of this scene was striking. Juliet’s father went from normal, slightly perturbed father to a towering, yelling abuser in the span of a few minutes. He slapped her, turning her next lines all the more upsetting: “Is there no pity sitting in the clouds/That sees into the bottom of my grief?—/O sweet my mother, cast me not away” (3.5.2-8-210). Instead of Juliet coming off as foolish or rash, her decisions make perfect sense. If her own family isn’t going to respect her autonomy, does it really matter to them if she lives or dies? If Romeo is the only person who cares about her happiness, why not risk everything to see him again?

Coupling specific acting choices with the words from Shakespeare’s script clarifies Juliet’s character beyond lovesick thirteen year old to that of a constrained young woman fighting for her right to individuality. 

David Hewn recently released a retelling of Romeo & Juliet, originally in audiobook form narrated by Richard Armitage for Audible, where Juliet actually survives the onslaught of deaths in her tomb and leaves Verona altogether in search of independence. In his Juliet & Romeo, both characters are fleshed out beyond what a two hour play can offer: Juliet craves education as a fiesty, proto-feminist, and Romeo is being forced into becoming a lawyer against his wishes to be a poet. Of course, as an adaptation, we can’t take Hewn’s interpretation as fact, however, his choices must have some basis in Shakespeare’s original text. 

Romeo as a charismatic poet-type isn’t unfounded in the script at all. We’re first introduced to him in a state of heartbreak, upset that the object of his affections isn’t interested. At first glance, his response to Benvolio’s inquiry as to what “sadness lengthens [his] hours”—”Not having that which, having, makes them short,”—is melodramatic, not endearing (1.1.168-169). Furthermore, Romeo’s quick turnaround to Juliet in lieu of Rosaline might be an example of fickleness. He can’t have one girl so he moves on to another without much of a thought. If that were the case, Romeo would move on once he realized Juliet is the daughter of his father’s sworn enemy. He certainly wouldn’t trespass on her family’s grounds just to see her again. 

In the RSC’s production, Romeo was just as charismatic as he appears in the text and other interpretations. He had an almost sexual chemistry with all of his comrades on stage, but only sought to further a romantic connection with Juliet. If he was just after sex, he could have looked for it anywhere. Instead, the production claimed he wants a real connection. He finds it in Juliet.

In the text, Juliet is rational (to the extent that a Shakespearean tragic heroine is allowed to be) while Romeo throws himself headfirst into his emotions—an interesting reversal of gender norms, which typically place women at the helm of emotional outbursts. This dynamic is most easily observable in the balcony scene, when Juliet begs Romeo not to swear his affections by the moon: 

ROMEO 

Lady, by yonder blessèd moon I vow,

That tips with silver all these fruit-tree tops—

JULIET 

O, swear not by the moon, th’ inconstant moon,

That monthly changes in her circled orb,

Lest that thy love prove likewise variable.

ROMEO 

What shall I swear by?

JULIET 

Do not swear at all.

Or, if thou wilt, swear by thy gracious self,

Which is the god of my idolatry,

And I’ll believe thee (2.2.112-121). 

She knows that the moon is too fleeting to be worth any oath, but Romeo is so in love he wants to swear on something. These opposing aspects of their personalities make them a great match, not just an expansion of lust at first sight or puppy love or any one of the ideas high school teachers like to provide in defense of why Romeo and Juliet are nothing more than naive teenagers. 

But, just as a good interpretation can make their relationship more complex, a cheesy or melodramatic one can tarnish its already-precarious reputation. Take Warm Bodies, a YA romance in which Romeo is R, a zombie with no memories of his human life who falls for the very much alive Julie. Juliet risking her life to love an actual menace to her health and wellbeing undermines her rationality. Even the critically acclaimed West Side Story is troubling as an adaptation—Tony and Maria take somewhat of a backseat to the Sharks and Jets. The most popular song from the whole soundtrack is “America,” which has nothing to do with our star-crossed lovers. Maria is scolded by her best friend with really reasonable concerns. Making Bernardo her brother dissuades me from siding with Maria when she chooses Tony. Why would you marry the guy who murdered their brother? I just don’t buy it. 

Romeo & Juliet is more than an unrealistic love story wherein two inexperienced teenagers believe they’re in love and both directly and indirectly cause the deaths of friends and family. Juliet may be young and naive, but she’s also an opportunist. She’s about to be forced into marrying an older man she has no connection with. When Romeo enters her life, she sees a way out. It takes brains and guts to hitch your waggon to a guy you barely know, but Juliet has both and weighs the pros and cons herself, coming to the conclusion that this Montague boy might just be the break she’s been looking for. Romeo, for his part, just wants love. His world is not the evil, conniving thing it is to his parents; rather, it is something to be shared with people, with a beloved. 

If love languages existed to any extent in Verona, Romeo would know his by heart. He feels things so intensely; necessarily, he needs someone to counteract that. Juliet is perfect, not only in that she shares his affections, but she’s shockingly levelheaded when the time calls for it. All in all, the tragedy of these star-crossed lovers is not their fault; it’s the fault of those of us who, like their parents, reduce them to simple-minded adolescents who couldn’t possibly know about love.